The Tooth Fairy
Of course there is a tooth fairy, but she comes to the mom & dad to get the money just like everyone else in the house. AND, she doesn't really take the teeth and give them to God to reuse for new babies. She leaves them in little envelopes in Mom's jewelry box.
The Easter Bunny
Excuse me? The Easter Bunny does not go all over the Christian World leaving colored eggs behind like droppings. Your parents do the egg hiding, except for the big money, golden egg. The Easter Bunny really is responsible for that one.
Eye Crossing
Your eyes will not get stuck that way. It was just a good lie to get you to stop doing that because you looked really stupid and it annoyed me.
Equal love
No you can't love two people equally. That is dumb. It almost impossible to do anything in equal amounts. Have you ever tried to cut a pie in equal size slices? Did they end up exactly the same? I do love you more than your sibling; but don't tell him/her.
The money tree
Money really does grow on trees. We told you it didn't to shut you up about all of the stuff you wanted. You had enough. There was no more room in your part of the house for more toys and I didn't want your junk impinging on my area. So we just said that "money doesn't grow on trees" line so you would quit bugging us.
The nice dentist won't hurt you.
What do you think? He is going to drill on your teeth. There are big, painful nerves in those teeth. If he has to drill very much he is going to give you a shot in your gums so the drilling won't hurt. Of course the shot is going to hurt; all shots hurt. DUH!
By next week those shoes will fit perfectly
Yeah, right. They are two sizes too big. I buy them big so you have room to grow into them but fat chance your foot will grow two sizes in 7 days. Just keep the toes up when you walk and you will stop falling down.
And the big one...
Of course Santa Claus can't fly around in a sleigh, sliding his fat stomach down chimneys delivering gifts Christmas Eve. The milk and cookies; the carrots for the reindeer; the tracks in the snow - all lies. Santa works all of December while kids are still at school and leaves the presents in Mom's closet. Mom and Dad put them under the tree after you go to bed Christmas Eve. We were always surprised you fell for that one.
In our house - if you don't believe, you don't receive.
