Muffin Top
Why are we giving a really terrible fashion offense a cute-sy name?! Muffin chins are adorable, muffin tops....not so much. For those who aren't in the know, muffin top is when your jeans are so tight that your love handles (yet another misnamed item) squeeze over your waistband and lay by the sides.
This isn't cute, it's a sign to do sit ups or something!
Thong Lines
I know, all of us were told that if we wear a thong that we won't have any underwear lines. Well, guess what...the fashionistas lied to us because there are still lines, and if you're not careful, the jiggle and bounce back there will give it away that you're not wearing full coverage undies.
Stiletto-nos
I'm a huge fan of high heels! The taller the better...as long as you can actually walk in them. Nothing is more irritating than seeing some chick teetering around in impossibly high heels. Wobbly ankles, giraffe like steps and people with poor posture need not apply to the stiletto club.
Give it a College Try (not really)
College was great, I had an awesome time, but it's not often that I run around in my beat up, college branded duds that went through one too many laundry cycles now that I've been out of college for a while. Hey school pride is a wonderful thing, but thanks to stores like Steve & Barry or even your local college store's website, there's no reason to run around with school gear that's seen better days!
Designer Jean Mania (not so cute on men)
I won't lie, I love my Tavernini's, True Religions and Blue Cults...but...if my boyfriend ever starts worrying about his back pocket designs more than me....that could be a deal breaker. There's something nice about a guy wearing a pair of nice but slightly non-descript pair of jeans. Horseshoes, squigly lines and extensive embroidery on your ass...not a good look.
Scruffy is NOT the Same as Scraggly
There's something about a guy with facial hair and that "I don't care what others think of how I look" attitude (think Sawyer from Lost) that I find irresistible. But there is a massive difference between "I purposely look a little rough" and "I rolled my ass out of bed and here I am". Honey trust me, it's not a fine line but a freaking canyon between the two concepts...figure out which side you're supposed to be on.
There's Gold In Dem There Hills...
Yeah that worked for the gold miners back in 1849, but gold, platinum and diamonds in your mouth?! I would say you should sue your dentist, but most likely you should have your family and friends sue you for your stupidity. Not only do you have to do major dental work to get them in, but you have some major upkeep costs on your hands. Mouth bling is taking the bling concept way too far. Once again...fine line vs. canyon...find the side you belong on.
Skinny Men with Big Jewelry Pieces
Yes, I know you want to keep Jacob the Jeweler in business, but at least pick something that suits your body type! Fat Joe can wear big rocks and chains because he's a large man. When the skinny mini wannabe down the street wears their "designer knock off" watch that slides up and down his arm every time he moves...again it's not a good look.
The White Tee Offenders
So, if you can wear a fitted hat, why can't you wear a fitted tee? If I had a nickel for everytime I see someone wearing a white tee that could fit them and four of their friends in them, I would be a millionaire three times over. Is it too much to ask to wear a shirt where the hem ends just below your waste, not below your knees? Big oversized tops are adorable on children at the beach, not on grown men.
Let Your Jeans Hang Low...No Not Really
Did anyone ever tell you that when you buckle your jeans just above your knees that you make it look like you have legs that are two feet long? I bet if you realized how ridiculous you looked when you run to catch the subway, you wouldn't be so quick to drag your pants down as low as you can.
This hideous trend was around when I was in middle school, went away, and has unfortunately been popping up around the city....again...canyon vs. fine line. A little hanging low is sexy, (read just a little off your butt) but below your knees ceases to be a turn on.
OnMyList
List your pants off!