Ex-Cuuse Me!?

• Elbows on the table at dinner
  Excuse me ? with a little stab of my fork on the offending arm. I really am not that bothered by a simple elbow while eating a sandwich or something at home; but that leads to the head in the hand posture while the other hand shovels in grub. NOT AT MY TABLE!

• Certain bad words
  Obviously, this applied more when they were younger; but I still pull it out now and then. The following words were not allowed in our family: butt, shut up, stupid (if it referred to a person) hell, damn, and on up the scale. When one of those would 'slip' all I had to say was Excuse Me? And they were Ralphied (Christmas Story was also big in our house). One of the most ridiculous things a parent can say is, "What did you just say?" Now you are just asking the kid to repeat the bad word, Huh?

• Back Talk
  You parents know what I mean. It's not the words but the tone of voice. I can say a whole lot of, "you do not speak to me in that tone of voice" with one very drawn out Excuuuse MEE?

• Lying
  Yep, my kids were occasionally untruthful. Hmmm, imagine that. I'm sure they are the only ones in the world who were (except maybe Robin, he looks like the type). And, you know the drill, the lie is worse that the misbehavior. That one would garner a faster 'excuse me'? Just to make the point that although old I am not as stupid as they thought.

• Asking for something in front of a friend
  DO NOT ask me if you can spend the night at so and so's house with so and so standing right there. You are lucky if you get an Excuse Me? and not a flat out no. If you are smart, the Excuse Me will give you a clue, you will ask your friend to step into your bedroom and then YOU and I will discuss the matter.

• Poor grammar
  I HATE bad grammar. I am not college educated, but I can speak properly. It is not okay to say on the phone, "this is her". You did not "seen it at Walmart"; AND you most certainly have not "we done this today". ARRGGG!!!!! Fortunately my kids speak well most of the time (except for the her instead of she thing). They occasionally garner and excuse me or correction, but not too often. Unfortunately, it is impolite for me to correct the rest of the the Ozarks population. We have a worker in the office who can not utter a completely correct sentence - and don't even get me started on the youins, etc. I think I see the future and it is another list....

• Apparel
  This is no longer an issue. They are old enough to wear what they want and usually dress appropriately for the occasion. But when younger, the Excuse Me, came in quite handy. Child dresses for whatever, comes out to family area. Mom looks at child and says, "excuse me!?" Child quietly disappears back into room to change. OK, it was never that easy...there was always the kid saying "What is wrong with this?" Or the ever popular, "You just don't understand me, this is my style or you don't get how kids dress today!" Yeah, well I get how my kids are going to dress...

• Lists
  Excuse me!? (translation) What do you mean you think my lists are stupid, especially the 'people who love me one'? If you don't like it; lump it. You and your little dog, too. Yeah, I feel better now.

• The I need money call
  You parents know the one, especially from college: Mom, may I use your checkbook for: Makeup Toiletries Snack food A new sorority hoodie Yada, yada, yada, ad infinitum Excuse me? You have two jobs, and with the money you earn you have one bill? And we pay for everything else. If you want eyeliner and cheese nips you are on your own.

OnMyList
List your pants off!