Reasons Bob Barker Is The Bomb

Thank you CBS for not ever trying to drastically change a good thing in the set of The Price. The seventies lime-greens and oranges and the sweet patterns and shapes are scrawled in my mind like permanent marker on a pricetag-shaped nametag.

Through the years, Bob has obviously gotten older, probably gotten wiser, and definitely gotten oranger.

Sure, it changed a little over the years, but one thing remained constant: its length. Maybe this was just so Bob's arm could be comfortably near waist level while he was speaking, or maybe it was some sort of phallic compensation thing. Whatever the reason, it was unique, and I loved it.

Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talking about Rod Roddy (R.I.P.), his sidekick announcer, who actually got to shout the iconic line, "Come on down!" I imagine the two of them did The Price by day, but by night they dressed up in masks and capes with the names Priceman and Penny, and sped around town in the Pricemobile making sure people weren't getting ripped off while purchasing everyday household items. "Holy hosing Priceman! Fixodent shouldn't cost $8.99!"

19 Emmy Awards? Are you fucking kidding me? Who wins 19 Emmy Awards? I'll tell you who: Bob Barker, that's who. To make that even sweeter, one of them was the Lifetime Achievement Emmy Award for Daytime Television in 1999. And as I mentioned before, he was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame in 2004. What a badass.

Chuck Norris. That's right, Chuck Norris. I think some of Chuck's cheesy hardassness surely had to rub off on Barker, who has studied karate for 30 years. After all, there are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

I think this could be classified under the set, but it's cool enough to have its own entry. The Big Wheel is a gameshow icon, serving as a gatekeeper of sorts, bringing hope, joy, and disappointment, and leaving each and every contestant that attempts to move its weighty circumference hanging on every beep like a Plinko chip precariously stuck on one peg. The Wheel was more looming even than the final showcase showdown set, threatening to gobble up unwitting contestants lest they forget to release their grip from its cold steel handles. I think after 35 years Barker knew right after the person let go of the wheel what it was going to land on, but he had to feign some shred of ignorance to keep the event suspenseful. And he did a good job too: The suspense The Wheel held for me was exhilarating. Is the old lady going to spin it all the way around? Is the young guy going to get $1? Will that person go over $1? Wait a few more beeps and you will find out.

Always sexy, and always looked phenomenal in their swimsuits. The Barker's Beauties were excellent smilers, wavers, and holders of random objects and products, though I always wished they were slightly more scantily clad.

Did it ever change? Ever? I will never forget that music, in fact, I may have to update the "Song Stuck In My Head" portion of my profile right now. Dammit. And coming in a close second on the recognition scale is the anticlimactic deep tuba noise followed by the descending horn sound when someone loses. You know the one I'm talking about.

Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about the cars Bob gave away on The Price. The car was almost the top of the prize scale, and it's what every contestant would hope for when there were large closed doors hiding their potential prize. When the doors opened, revealing the car, the contestant would usually freak out and jump up and down, and Bob would stand there smiling since he'd seen it 10,000 times before. (I usually enjoyed the times the contestant thought they were going to be shown a car, and you could see the excitement building on their face, and then the doors opened and it was...the dreaded bedroom set...) Rod would list out all the features of the car as fast as he could, verbally resembling the MicroMachine Man, and at the end he would always list "California Emission." That was the first time I'd ever heard that term when I was younger, and I figured it had something to do with the ignition since they sounded the same, but it turns out it's just some boring way for the state of California to regulate the exhaust air quality on cars.

You know it: "Help control the pet population; have your pet spayed or neutered!" The most random closing line...and for a gameshow? Barker was big into animal rights, becoming a vegetarian in 1979 and even going so far as to ban fur coats and other "animal insensitive" prizes on the show. I'm sure cats and dogs all across the country immediately developed a hatred of the show. I bet they organized boycotts and everything: "Hello, Spot? Yeah, it's Rex from across the street. Did you see The Price Is Right Today? I know, wasn't it horrible? How could he say that about us? He doesn't even know us! We need to go down the block and tell everyone to stop watching that garbage! Grrrrr I'm so mad I could crap on the floor!"

Being from Springfield, MO, I'm biased on this one, so I'll keep it short. In the '40's, Barker's family moved to Springfield. Bob went to Central High School, and then attended Drury University on a basketball scholarship. Also, he is a big fan of the St. Louis Cardinals and aspired to be a Cardinal pitcher.

"Now you've had enough...bitch!"