How to Embarrass Your Daughter and Otherwise Look Like an Ass On National TV
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Introduction
Imagine the following situation ... you have a national primetime TV show filming in your home, and you use the opportunity to belittle the person your daughter claims to be falling in love with, right in front of her. What's the point? To show you're better than this guy on TV? Because you think all of America will be impressed that you're calling this guy out in front of everyone? Got some news for you. All you did was make yourself look like a louse, not your guest. Here's a list of your actions tonight on The Bachelor, just in case you want to relive these tortuous moments.
1
Attack the Lack of Education
Of course, the way you have chosen to go through life should also be everyone else's chosen path. Who needs diversity? The most important thing when looking for potential husbands for your daughter is that they have a completed college education. Bachelor Brad quitting college and becoming an entrepreneur just isn't good enough.
2
Attack the Occupation
An owner of four bars isn't good enough for your daughter. It doesn't matter if it makes Bachelor Brad happy, and it doesn't matter how well this occupation would support a living for your daughter should they choose to get married. What matters is that he may be keeping hours that you don't approve of. He needs a stuffy 9 to 5 job that he hates, just so that you can have some bragging rights. You do realize, though, that someone has to own and run all the bars you've probably frequented in your lifetime, right?
3
Call Him Out
Call your daughter's suitor out in front of the rest of the family, as well as the TV cameras for not measuring up to your expectations. Make sure you tell him that he is a disappointment to you. You'll look great to all your friends, who will be impressed that there was no way you were going to accept this lothario into your family so willingly.
4
Discuss This as Not Being a Proper Way to Find a Wife
Forget the fact that your daughter is an adult and is appearing on The Bachelor of her own volition, finding a wife by appearing on a reality TV show just isn't the proper way to go about it. Make sure you tell that to this guy who had the audacity to actually like your daughter. Perhaps the reason she struggles to find a a suitor using conventional methods is because they're all turned off by you, the father.
5
Announce How He Doesn't Measure Up to the Last One
Your ex-son-in-law had it all going on as far as you're concerned. He was a parent's dream and certainly not a bar owner and college drop-out. Make sure the ex, as well as all of America knows how you preferred him to this guy from TV. Doesn't it ever make you wonder why they're not together anymore since you think he was the perfect one? It couldn't be that you're wrong, could it? It couldn't be that your daughter knows what's best for her more than you, could it?
Poor daughter. Poor wife.
He has a severe case of big little man.
He has a severe case of big little man.
For more ideas about how to embarrass your daughter, ask the Bush twins what their Dad does to embarrass them.
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