Oilboy's Guide to Picking Up, Hooking Up, Dating and Dumping
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Picking up
Guys, don't buy a girl drinks unless you are already getting action from her. It just makes you look desperate.
Girls, do buy a guy drinks. Even if you are ugly, it will make you attractive. If you are attractive, the guy will love you.
Guys, when you meet a girl for the first time, be confident, but don't be prideful.
Girls, when you meet a guy for the first time, play to his interests and carry on an intelligent conversation but don't try to act too smart (even if you are) because guys' egos are fragile.
Telling a girl she is pretty and giving her a back rub works wonders.
Telling a guy he is hot and you wonder what he's doing later will get you a drink, unless he has read the first rule.
Girls, do buy a guy drinks. Even if you are ugly, it will make you attractive. If you are attractive, the guy will love you.
Guys, when you meet a girl for the first time, be confident, but don't be prideful.
Girls, when you meet a guy for the first time, play to his interests and carry on an intelligent conversation but don't try to act too smart (even if you are) because guys' egos are fragile.
Telling a girl she is pretty and giving her a back rub works wonders.
Telling a guy he is hot and you wonder what he's doing later will get you a drink, unless he has read the first rule.
Hooking Up
Inviting a girl to your house for some sort of activity is still the best way to hook up.
Showing cleavage or leg is a sure way to get a guy's attention, no matter whether you think you are good-looking or not.
Taking your hook-up girl to the same places as you take your serious girls is bad news.
Put the hook-up's name in your phonebook under a different name to save yourself drama when they booty call you.
The art of hook-ups is based in convenience and discretion more than mutual attraction. Don't push it past that.
Talking about your hook-up with someone of the opposite sex is a sure way to make sure that hook-up doesn't happen again.
Having sex with someone in this day and age does NOT equate to commitment. Don't assume.
Showing cleavage or leg is a sure way to get a guy's attention, no matter whether you think you are good-looking or not.
Taking your hook-up girl to the same places as you take your serious girls is bad news.
Put the hook-up's name in your phonebook under a different name to save yourself drama when they booty call you.
The art of hook-ups is based in convenience and discretion more than mutual attraction. Don't push it past that.
Talking about your hook-up with someone of the opposite sex is a sure way to make sure that hook-up doesn't happen again.
Having sex with someone in this day and age does NOT equate to commitment. Don't assume.
Dating
Talking about your ex is a bad idea unless the person you are dating asks. Even then, keep it simple and non-emotional.
Don't rush things, it just freaks people out. Even if they agree and say they are excited about marriage, in reality they're freaked.
Don't disown your friends when you find someone new, you'll need them once the person dumps you.
Buy a girl flowers. Cook for a guy. They will love you.
Be unselfish in bed, it will be rewarding. If it isn't, tell them so because they are a selfish bastard.
Trust and communication are the keys to a relationship. Foster these and it will blossom.
Don't rush things, it just freaks people out. Even if they agree and say they are excited about marriage, in reality they're freaked.
Don't disown your friends when you find someone new, you'll need them once the person dumps you.
Buy a girl flowers. Cook for a guy. They will love you.
Be unselfish in bed, it will be rewarding. If it isn't, tell them so because they are a selfish bastard.
Trust and communication are the keys to a relationship. Foster these and it will blossom.
Dumping
Be straightforward and concise when dumping. The less time you spend on any one subject, the less time the other person has to defend, cry or maim.
If you were cheating, or thinking of cheating, bring that up. This increases the crying factor but has an inverse relationship upon the relationship.
It is easier to be dumped than to dump. So, remember that you are actually doing them a favor by dumping them because you are taking the hard part on yourself.
The best sex in the world is make-up sex. The second-best is break-up sex. However, there is only a small window of opportunity. Wait more than a few days and you've blown it. The actual timeframe varies depending on the depth of the relationship and the severity of the break-up exchange.
The art of dumping is all about timing. While no perfect timing exists, wait until the person's life is at its worst because they will not fight back but will let go. This totally goes against our nature which is to wait until their life is stable before disrupting it, however this is in actuality selfish because we might as well dump them when their life is already unstable rather than screwing it up when it is going well.
The Final Word: Always let them get in the Final Word. It makes them feel empowered and that it was their decision, which means they will be confident enough to move on and try someone else. However, do not let them do this if you are planning on break-up sex.
If you were cheating, or thinking of cheating, bring that up. This increases the crying factor but has an inverse relationship upon the relationship.
It is easier to be dumped than to dump. So, remember that you are actually doing them a favor by dumping them because you are taking the hard part on yourself.
The best sex in the world is make-up sex. The second-best is break-up sex. However, there is only a small window of opportunity. Wait more than a few days and you've blown it. The actual timeframe varies depending on the depth of the relationship and the severity of the break-up exchange.
The art of dumping is all about timing. While no perfect timing exists, wait until the person's life is at its worst because they will not fight back but will let go. This totally goes against our nature which is to wait until their life is stable before disrupting it, however this is in actuality selfish because we might as well dump them when their life is already unstable rather than screwing it up when it is going well.
The Final Word: Always let them get in the Final Word. It makes them feel empowered and that it was their decision, which means they will be confident enough to move on and try someone else. However, do not let them do this if you are planning on break-up sex.
General
When you make out with someone and let them feel you up, they will expect you to talk to them next time you see them.
Getting drunk is not an excuse for letting someone look down your shirt or grab your ass.
Punching your boyfriend in the face while he is sleeping is not considered appropriate, even if you are sure that he is cheating based on the fact that one of his friends said on myspace that she had fun with him the other night. (After all, there's NO way another girl could have fun with him unless they were having sex.)
Sleeping with your ex's friends is still slutty. And for the friends, it's still a total dick move.
Sleeping with your friend's ex's is acceptable if you ask them first. But a real friend wouldn't even go there.
When it comes down to it, getting what you want is about making the other person feel good about themselves. Unselfishness fulfills selfishness.
*disclaimer* All of this was personally experienced by me, and all is tongue in cheek and i recommend none of it! -Oilboy
Getting drunk is not an excuse for letting someone look down your shirt or grab your ass.
Punching your boyfriend in the face while he is sleeping is not considered appropriate, even if you are sure that he is cheating based on the fact that one of his friends said on myspace that she had fun with him the other night. (After all, there's NO way another girl could have fun with him unless they were having sex.)
Sleeping with your ex's friends is still slutty. And for the friends, it's still a total dick move.
Sleeping with your friend's ex's is acceptable if you ask them first. But a real friend wouldn't even go there.
When it comes down to it, getting what you want is about making the other person feel good about themselves. Unselfishness fulfills selfishness.
*disclaimer* All of this was personally experienced by me, and all is tongue in cheek and i recommend none of it! -Oilboy
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