Doitibles (Places You Can "Do It" In)

No, think about it. It's sexy. If this was scientology, it would be the next level of bathroom sex. And then you could throw up afterwards.

Right in the middle, up stage. The venue is closed, but the spotlight is right on the two of you. If you get nervous, just imagine there's an audience there, then imagine them nude.

It would be nice to watch the news and tell someone, "See where Ted Koppel's sitting? I had sex on that news desk." Or a sitcom's bedroom set, or the faux living room couch where Ray Romano is complaining about his wife. Now when you watch a sitcom, the furniture would be more interesting than the actors.

Imagine McDonald's after hours and your ambitious fry cook takes you to the McPlay Place and sets you in the ball pit. Your lover submerges fully clothed, then emerges from the pool of colorful balls fully nude, like a sily bar of soap pushed out a clown's mouth.

You're in a tub of stuffed animals behind the counter as people hurl baseballs overhead. Metal pellets or streams of water whiz by, and people yell "This is fake, what a sham!" and your significant other agrees.

Yeah, I don't see this working out, but I felt compelled to add another booth. Imagine if the voting booth's new Made-To-Order touch screen system had other things you could vote for. Like more hickies, less missionary, and a deli sandwich to go.

It was featured in that one EuroTrip movie, but many Catholics have fantasized it since the confessional was first invented. I wouldn't be surprised if the confessional was originally used as a sex booth. I could imagine Peter (before he became a Saint) overseeing the first Church's completion and realizing "Hey, I could use a place to do it in. A place where only sinners are allowed, you know? Call it 'The Confessional,' eh? Am I right, people?"

So after mass a line would form at the sex booth, and PreSaint Peter would talk dirty, asking his parishioners to tell him their sins. But as the world became more censored and politically correct, sex was outlawed from the booth, but he remained faithful and settled on touching himself while they talked dirty. But soon their dirty talk became more and more boring, with things like, "Well, um. I coveted my neighbor's horse..?" and "I bore false witness when my wife asked if I was seeing the neighbor's horse...?" in which Peter said "Fuck it, say some prayers. I'm applying for sainthood."

And that's how Peter got his wings.

Also, I don't know what just happened.