Dumb Ass Drivers (now with pictures)

The car is not a place to sleep or to dream about how horny your gf could have been.

If you do that, do everyone a favor by not driving a SUV. Drive a Geo Metro so you are the one who will be killed and end up like this:

Do you think it is a parking space, grandma? You don't drive a bumper car, do you? If not, go!

Is stealing a turn really that phucking important to you? Unless it is a 'SOTP' sign...

A few suggestions:
- Don't drive a SUV
- Consider the more gas efficient alternative: a scooter
- Walk
- Stay home

I am seriously thinking about carrying a bunch of these parking tickets with me to hand 'em out to you.

You think you are doing a car show, huh? Let me help you with some exterior mods... (taking my key out)

And since you are not officially parked, we will pretend you don't exist and park as usual.

Oops! Did I open the door on my Geo Metro from Enterprise too quickly?

I am so scared and I can't see very well with high beams behind me. I better slow down even more, preferably keeping the same speed as the other car on the other lane so that I only have a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

You see, there are cops hiding everywhere...

I know of a jogging club. You want to join, grandma?

What is the meaning of the double yellow line again? RTFM.

Do you like Uhaul or Penske? I know a few nearby.

Don't laugh! That's you, dumb ass!

It is not that narrow if you phucking pay attention or don't drive like a piece of shit.

Thought about changing one of the brake light to green so it is more like Christmas. Some multi-color bulbs won't hurt either. It is just so boring...

A few suggestions:
- Use the map in your freaking car
- Get a GPS
- Use Google Map to print out a direction before using your ignition key
- Ask your friend to go to your place instead

Need not look anymore. Thanks for helping out, cops!

Dude, I know I look better than you. Thanks for reinforcing.

I am getting my blue laser out and play my favorite song: the siren.

If my tire catches fire, I make sure I run over your ass.

I am saving my biggest fart until I am in your car.

You not only waste your money paying for gas, but also increase the demand and indirectly raise my gas bill. Idiot!

If this sounds like you, you will likely end up like this:

Only if you know how to control it when you are on the exit ramp. See you in the bushes.

Did you wet your pants while sleeping in your physics class?

I am going to physically drive over your 'shoulder.'

Wish you eyeballs are like your blinkers, thereby keeping you off the road.

Pay attention to the freaking traffic and the traffic lights. Don't even try to tell me you don't know. If you really don't know, you would have slammed into the car in front of you. Since you didn't, you know. You could at least cut over to the empty lane right next to you or pull up a little more so we can go through while still phucking you from your behind.

If I have a power saw, I would cut your car in half and might as well end your sex life.

I hope you have enough savings for gas, break pads, tires, ...

And still can pay for a hella accident.

May someone push some shopping carts toward that moron?

Wait, I can't drive across that shit!

On the day when I decide to dump my car, I will slam my brake as hard as I could, after I make sure my airbags are working first and have more than "sufficient" coverage.

You ask for it.

Tractor trailers, you know what to do!

Good job, big boy!

May your balls' radii shrink in the opposite direction.

You think you own the road? Right! The Road to Hell!

I am calling a tow trunk to tow your car along with your friend.

I will just do exactly that and phucking sue you for being an ass hole.

I hope you soon need a handicapped license.

Your door, along with you, will be blown off.

I really don't understand why people do this one, but I have seen them. I guess you cannot explain stupidity.

If anything else, it just shows you have bad taste no matter what you are playing.

Dude, you simply cannot multi-task. Give it up before trashing your phone and car in an accident like this.

I just wish you and the victim in the ambulance swap places.

I want to see some drift racing gone wrong.

May heavy rain drown you.

I represent all those kids' parents to send you to hell.

Moving in/out is not an excuse. I need to be able to go home! Why don't you block your own driveway? This is just a courtesy thing...

That is why God made yellow.

I would add this:

If you idiot hadn't slowed down, we would have all made it thru... idiot!

This annoys the hell out of me. But considering that is the only way they can do their jobs, I am not going to bash them here...

Let the picture speaks my mind...

I don't have anything against cyclist, but if you put your own life on the line like this, it might not last long enough for you to realize how stupid you are, especially when there is a lane just for runners and cyclists and you refuse to use it.

I give you 2 choices:

1. Ride on the walkway
2. Share the streets with other vehicles AND follow the same rules we all do

We just cannot phucking see you coming while we expect every moving object to stop. Have you driven a car before?

Eating, talking on cells, make-up, hair grooming, smoking or lighting cigarettes, map perusing, preparing food, reading, ...

I am sure all of us is guilty with some of these, but you just can't do too many things at the same time while driving.

A side note:
I think I saw on America's Got Talents that a lady came up with some special napkin for drivers to use. I thought it was a brilliant idea, but it's not like you should eat in the car while driving anyway. It is ok to chew a piece of gum, but you are holding a double stack burger in one hand while pouring a super size soda into you mouth with the other hand, FAT ASS!

Classic 'Hit me' ass hole. I won't hit you, but I will hit your ass hole because it sounds more painful...

The meaning of a stop sign:

Completely stop your vehicle in motion before starting to MOVE AGAIN. Whichever vehicle stops first moves first.

You are taking the meaning too literally.

You want to show off your reaction time? I am afraid you don't have enough in the tank for the bed.

If you don't allow me enough space to get out, I am not going to allow you to get out at all. (Tires flatten...)

I MUST park.

Pull up to be in first place in the curb lane at a red light, blocking cars behind him trying to turn on red. Speed past and cut in front of the car on his left once it turns green, before he jams into a parked car in his own curb lane.

I will square you off and let you jam into the parked car for good.

Crash your ass upside down.

Haha, you dumb ass needs new tires pretty soon. I hope you break your axle too. If you can't corner, don't drive, as simple as that.

See the result of corning too quickly:

I don't care how soon you will return. Just don't complain when you have stuff stolen or have your leather burned by cigarettes. You ask for it. Stupid.

Or have a huge rock dropped over your car.

You won't get much mileage for your gas. Idiot!

It is fun, huh. I think it is more fun when you are flown off the building and land in front of a speeding trash truck.

I understand you try to be nice, but when it is your turn to go, go. Otherwise, you ware wasting everyone's time. Silly...

They get their light, and you get yours. Why are you so confused. Have you ever occurred to you that you are not yielding to the cars behind you. Stop being a nice guy to everyone and do what the light tells you too. Color blind!

Some states require it, so you are breaking the law. Enough said.

Is it that phucking hard to turn them on so other drivers can see your ass and know when you are sneaking from behind. You intentionally turn them off, you phucker!