Corporate techno tech-babble!
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Introduction
Don't you hate corporate technology speech, here is a sample of what I have to hear everyday!
1
Technology Footprint
As in, "Define our Technology Footprint"
2
Technology Roadmap
3
Leverage our Infrastructure
4
What's the ROI on that?
5
We need a CR on that
6
Project Excellence Methodology!
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Implementation Plan
8
Is that a compiled JAVA class?
Emphasis on JAVA, like JAA-VAAAA.
9
Is that Triple DES Compliant
Pronounced DEZ.
10
Calling people "resources"
Refering to me as a resource when I am sitting there.
11
Can you "Ride Herd" on that
Specific to Texas, makes me laugh when i hear it.
12
Google it
Over used, and not wanted anymore
13
...Well On my MAC I can do blah blah blah
Go get your e'fn mac and shut up already!
14
Benchmark it
This is used way too much!
15
Synergy
Yikes the 80's are done!
16
Six Sygma
I call it Sick Sigma!
17
Work/Life balance
What a bunch of BS!
18
OnBoarding!
and it nefarious cousin Off-Boarding
19
Facilitate
Just Do IT!
20
Champion it
Doh don't get me started on this one!
21
Thought Leader
God stop it!
22
SME
more like SMEg, Subject Matter expert, this I really despise.
23
Best Practices
Everyone loves this, but no one cares to elaborate!
24
Excellence!
Ahhhhh the pain!
25
User
Used to describe fellow workers as they are "Users" of our system.
26
Customers
Same reason as above!
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Human Capital
This I have heard more lately, I hate it sounds like Slave trading.
28
Sox or Sar-Box
God make it STOP!
29
Green
As in Green what a bunch of crap, nothing but business charging more for the same shite!
30
Channel Partners
What tha' Fook is this!
31
path to Profitability
ahhhhh!
32
Throw a "Stress ball"
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Ego wall
Nuff for now!
34
UAT
(L)User acceptance Testing
35
Are you "Wheels Up On That?"
I heard these last 2 in about 30 Seconds after making my list!
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QA - TEST- PROD
"Did you QA the site so we can move to PROD" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
37
Taxonomy
God this one has a lot of power to make you spend ridiculous amounts of money!
38
Leveraging Technology Vehicles
This one is dripping with crap!
39
SNA
Strategic Next Action - oh the horror!
40
Actionable
Is that a verb?
41
Change Management
Say what you mean, "Telling people they need to do something it differently."
42
Gain Traction
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Processing Dialog
Uhhh, you mean listen?
44
Hot Button
45
Brass Tacks
An old one, but resurging lately.
46
Scope Chunking
47
Turnkey
Ready to go.
48
Going Analog
49
Level Set
Gawd I hate this one. We have a person who says this about 10X every meeting. "We need to level set the expectations of the business." i think what it means is tell them we aint as good as they think we are.
50
Crucial Confrontation
51
Fearless Conversation
Like telling your boss he's an idiot?
52
Low Hanging Fruit
How about "Easiest"
My boss calling me a "resourse" right in front of my face... It just happened to me yesterday!
Also, don't forget the ye olde chestnut BANDWIDTH.... yikes!
Great list... keep adding to it...
Also, don't forget the ye olde chestnut BANDWIDTH.... yikes!
Great list... keep adding to it...
Instead of saying "Do you have the time to do this task?", a couple of my bosses ask "Do you have the bandwidth for this task?"...
Dude, what?
Dude, what?
Teamwork. Teamwork. Teamwork.
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