why i am an okay person to know

honestly, i don't call for chit-chat..mostly to get down to business like "will you come over and make me a sandwich" or "can you please give me a ride to the airport"

We all know what it is like to have a friend stink. It, well, for lack of a better word, stinks. How do you tell a friend they smell like spicy onions? No worries with me! I don't exert myself enough to work up a stinky lather AND wear both deodorant and antiperspirant. Glands be damned! I'd rather smell like cucumber than allow my glands to be properly ventilated.

I can discuss politics and world affairs but am equally at home discussing Heidi Montag's recent cosmetic surgeries.

In the animal world, direct eye contact is seen as a threat. I respect that and will do my best to avoid direct eye contact even if that means allowing my eyes to spin wildly in various directions.