marriage advice that i've been given-for better and worse

By annie marie 444 days ago Updated 428 days ago 222 Views 7 Comments

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Introduction

i always listen to people when they give marriage advice. sometimes it's really insightful and other times it's the same old stuff. im not discriminating. if the person is three times divorced, they have probably learned alot. i've only been married close to four years so i dont feel entitled to give out advice yet, but maybe someday i will pass a few of these along.

don't go to bed mad

the most common, and in my opinion, the worst i've had. sometimes i've gone to bed a little tiffed at nate and woke up totally forgetting about the whole thing. i'd rather just, "sleep on it" and if im still mad in the morning, then we can talk.

don't get cable

my mom gave me some good advice and more will follow, this is one i will fight nate on until the end. he can tell me that we will not turn in to couch potatoes, but i prove him wrong when we are at a hotel and act like kids in a candy store with that remote.

don't put a t.v. in the bedroom

this is not one that we argue about. no dogs sleeping with us and no t.v. in the bedroom makes more time for other things. nate has not argued.

make sure your husband has a warm meal on the table each night

this is my grandma and my mother. of course they also thought that when i became engaged that i should quit college. i get bitched out if nate has to get up for his own iced tea at their house.

pick your battles

i hear this one alot too. i see what the point is here. see the next one for more detailed advice.

when to argue

my mother in law is one smart cookie. she told me once that before you think about bringing up somthing that will start a big argument, imagine if it will matter to you in three months. if it matters then, bring it up. i like that time frame thing, it gives me something to think about in the heat of the moment.

keep your independence

this one was my dad. he also wanted me to keep my last name so i still have both.

be on their side

this was also from my dad. he told me to always be on nate's side. no matter what. i like this.

marriage is not 50/50

my mimi always tells me this. she and my grandpa are an inspiration too. she tells me that one person will almost always give or do more than the other and to be okay with that. this is also the same woman who tells me to have a hot meal on the table.

when to have kids

my mom told me once that having children is the greatest thing that will ever happen to you but be prepared to worry for the rest of your life.

the grass is always greener

another wise lady told me that you might think that the grass is greener on the other side but most likely you will have the same problems with anyone else so fix them with the person that you chose to love and marry because you chose them for a reason.

travel together

my favorite great aunt and uncle traveled alot together throughout their life because they didnt have children. she always told me that you really form a sense of partnership when you travel together and see the world. i totally see this one. the newness and excitement of travel. nate and i travel well together.

#1 and #2

with the bathroom door closed. this is my own. he does not need any part of this.

7 Comments

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this is a great list. I would add another, but it is for b4 you are married. Marry Early. When you find that someone, marry them. You will always be looking and you will settle for 2nd best. If it doesn't work out, chalk it up to experience.

Mr Listerposted 443 days ago

Listen, really listen. Mine is not a great sharer of "feelings", so when he does, I try to really hear what he is saying.

Pamposted 443 days ago

I've been married for 37 years. 1, 2, 3, and 4 are 50s bullshit. 5 and 6 are okay, if you can do it, but better advice is that if you have enough control to plan an argument, don't. 7 is bullshit, marriage is a committment; you can't water ski with one foot on the dock. Several of my feminist friends use their mother's maiden name; s'pose your Dad would have wanted you to keep your mother's maiden name? #8 - In a marriage or life, never use the words never or always. #9 True, a good marriage is 100:100; if either one gives less than 100%, who needs it. Never have kids based on what someone else thinks, or to "save" a marriage, when you are ready, you'll both know. 11 is bullshit and 12 depends on the people; it's much more important to be good together the other 48 weeks per year. #13 - Amen!!!

Number 1 advice: Try never to hate each other on the same day.

Ol Hippieposted 443 days ago

communicate and listen...this does need to work both ways. and i'm so with you on #13. no farting either. (not that i've ever!)

kellyposted 443 days ago

Always be forgiving, compassionate, loyal, and committed to making it work. You will always have ups and downs--that's life. Life is a journey and the longer you are together and the more you experience together your love will only go deeper. Being loved and loving--nothing is better!!! Just wait until you have your first child--WOW!!! More LOVE! Keep an open heart an open mind and open arms. Great list!

dayna Willardposted 443 days ago

Oh, man, I forgot our best one. It's the 95/5 rule. Sometimes the hubband would be pouty if we were out when he really didn't want to be. And no body wants to spend time with someone who obviously doesn't want to be there.

Soooo, I came up with this: 95% of the time, I don't care if he comes or not; when we eat out with friends, movies, just day to day stuff. But if he decides to come, he has to be nice. No crossed arms, no silent treatment, etc because it was his choice to come.

AND then there's the 5%, that is the important stuff; weddings, office parties, things it's important to me that he attend. He has to be nice for those, no pouting.

This works both ways. We have been using it for about 15 years and it has been great for us.