Top 10 things that get on my last nerve

Look, we all like get a great deal on something we are purchacing. So, you wait for a sale in the store of interest and, when it comes, you run up there with credit card in hand to reign victorious over the fiendish "ORIGINAL PRICE." One of the most beautiful images I have ever seen: the red and white sign reading "75% off the lowest ticketed price." That's practically FREE people. But that is not GOOD ENOUGH for the "extra 5% off coupon" people. These wankers need to squeeze every last penny's worth from their purchace. Now, any intelligent person would realize that 5% off of pretty much anything is just about nothing. What are you saving, really? Is it worth holding up an ENTIRE LINE of customers waiting in the one of three available register lines (because as we all know, most stores, when running a "huge sale," hire the bare minimum staff to handle such busy days, leaving we the consumer to wonder why we insist on coming to this store...) I say, take your 5% and shove it, lady!! Better yet, I WILL PAY YOU 5% OF YOUR PURCHASE IN CASH RIGHT NOW TO GET THE #)@!*%^ OUT OF LINE!!!!! If the CLOSEOUT prices aren't low enough for you, perhaps you should be shopping at your local landfill.

Yes, I smoke. Pretty frequently, as a matter of fact. If questioned, I'd have to say one pack per day would be an accurate count. This count may fluxuate, however, due to circumstances such as stress level, 6-year-old's behavior pattern, or alcohol intake. Anyway, no matter where I am, when I light up, I can almost guarantee at least one good GLARE from a bystander. You know, that "I cannot belive that you would put that filthy thing on your lips and suck on it as though it were your life's breath, you degenerate loser" look. Now, let me get one thing straight - I'm no dreg, by any means. Sure, I'm a (gasp!) unwed mother, but helloooo.....it's 2007! Surely even the most righteous of right-wings would agree that keeping the child despite the circumstances was a better move than the alternative. But I digress... These sanctimonious scum bags like to look down their noses at people like me - people who enjoy cigarettes. You wanna know what absolutely disgusts ME??? Bad acne. Yep - just a glimpse of a particularly horrifying case of pizzaface will ensure my losing at least 5 pounds due to lack of the ability to intake food. But you don't see me asking for the no-pockmark section, do you? How about posting a sign outside a public building reading "Proud To Be a Non-Snaggletooth Establishment?" Better still - I want to hear a bartender tell someone "I'm sorry, but if you're going to be a "complete douchebag, you'll have to go outside." Fairness, people. Fairness. Meanwhile, I sure could use a cigarette.

I don't know if anyone else has ever encountered this, but I see it all the time. I come to a stop sign. Some yuppie in a suit pulls up to the opposing stop sign at the EXACT same moment. Normally when this happens, there is that brief exchange of nonverbal communication between the drivers, and somehow during this mind-meld a decision is reached as to who will give "the wave." This is not the case with the BMW drivers of the world. My guess is that they feel that since they clearly paid more for thier custom SUV than I did for my little 2 door Pontiac that they have the right to go first. Note that there is no nonverbal communication in this scenario - only the Beemer driver's sense of self-importance. An even WORSE scene is when this happens but I arrived first and technically DO have the right of way. But since I am a careful driver and ALWAYS come to a complete stop, the brief lapse in time is just enough time for some Benz-driving wanker to sneak through the intersection before me with no "pretend thank-you wave" or other cordialiaty...only a smug grin. Well I have something to say to you people and your fancy cars...but I can't say it on here because I'm trying to keep it clean :)