Reasons You're Sitting Home Alone on a Saturday Night

You were certain that the hot young thing you met last weekend at the bar was going to call. A few round of drinks led to a few rounds back at their apartment. After making plans to meet up again this weekend, you canceled all other plans in the hopes of a repeat performance. But the call never came. Guess there is a reason for committed relationships...

What was once a growing franchise has now become your guilty pleasure. Before Chris Tucker decided to take 6 years off, you couldn't think of a single person who hadn't seen Rush Hour or Rush Hour 2. These days you can count the number of people with an interest in the movie on a single hand- 1, as in just you. Your friends weren't impressed with your silent protest and went out to see Superbad instead. You probably should have too.

Sure its the age of free nights and weekends, but that doesn't really matter if you didn't pay your bill in the first place (Note to self, blowing your paycheck on a vintage motorcycle jacket isn't the way a 35 yr old should live). You tried IMing and emailing no avail. Unfortunately, the only person at home to check email on Saturday night is you. Next time, try automatic bill pay.

Waiting for your friends to call you instead of calling them is not a valid plan. You thought to yourself " I could call Steve, but why should I? I'm the fun one." Looks like you made a mistep there. Steve is married, which automatically gives him something to do. Sure that may mean bickering over where to go for brunch, but at least he's not alone...like you. Besides, maybe he didn't pay his cell phone bill either.

You were really pained when they fired Chris Parnell and Horatio Santz, but you're mature enough to know that life goes on. And its not like any of your friends are half as hilarious as that crazy Mya Rudolph, right? Well, as long as you believe your own lies, that's all that matters. Enjoy the show!

You got a text message around 6 asking you to come out, but you figured that something much better would come along. So 7 came with no calls, then 9, and then 10:30. Now its 11:52 and its almost Sunday, completely defeating the point. Guess disco bowling wouldn't have been so bad after all...

Personal hygene is of course a private matter, but maybe, just maybe, you could afford to step up in that department? It can't hurt to add a few extra showers or flossing sessions to your week can it?

7 months after your breakup, you are still grieving the loss of steady sex, free meals, and a guaranteed Saturday night date. A bottle of wine, 2 drunken dials, and 4 "Sex & the City" DVD's later, you realize why your ex broke up with you in the first place- you're lame.