How to Kidnap and Torture Americans On Behalf of the U.S. Government

By LauraBelle 435 days ago Updated 435 days ago 253 Views 4 Comments

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Introduction

If you've ever wondered how to kidnap and torture Americans and want to be able to due it under the guise of the law, you need to pick up some tips from the film Rendition, starring Reese Witherspoon, Meryl Streep, and Jake Gyllenhaal, currently out in theaters. You would think with all the grousing and denials that this type of thing happens, it wouldn't be so prevalent, but the goal of this picture is to either let us know it does go on, or make us think it does, at the very least.

Enlist the efforts of a malevolent police official.

These foreign officials are more than happy to get down and dirty with someone from the United States, and they're ready to shake it up a little. Give the nod, and they'll be in your pocket carrying out your dirty work for you.

Make it appear as if your subject has completely disappeared.

It doesn't matter whether it makes sense or not that the subject has disappeared, just make it happen. Go into the computer records and delete everything you can to show that that person has existed for the past 24 hours. It obviously doesn't make sense, as they surely went somewhere, but that doesn't matter. Just left pregnant wives like Reese Witherspoon keep on thinking they're going crazy as no one will listen to them when they try to report their husband missing.

Get the information from the subject any way you can.

No amount of torture is overdoing it if it gets you the response you're looking for. Drowning, electrocution, striping naked (the subject, not you), whatever it takes. If the malevolent police official doesn't get the answer you're looking for, keep going and don't even think for a moment that you could be wrong on your suspicions. Just keep torturing.

Don't forget the sympathetic American.

You still have to have your hands in it somehow and can't let the malevolent police official have all the fun. Send a sympathetic American that's on your side, but don't let him join in on any of it. Have him sit idly by watching every moment of the torture. And if you can have him look like Jake Gyllenhaal, it's all the better.

Deny, Deny, Deny

It's obvious what you're doing, everyone knows it at this point, but you've come this far with it, so just keep going. If you're Meryl Streep and the United States government official in charge of seeing this thing through, use your political power to deny as much as you can, and if they still keep hammering away at you, just get insulting, and then pull out the big ammo, the fact that under a law called Rendition, this is all legal, in every way. They'll be left dumbfounded, allowing you your escape.