Worst incidents of foreign objects striking me in the junk

The worst one first. The penis tree.
I was 8 years old giving my sister a ride on my three wheeler (110 cc Honda) ATV.
We were cruising through some trees and I ran over a sapling about an inch thick. The
front tire pushed it down and it snapped back up like a catapult and caught me square in
the twig and berries. It knocked both of us off the ATV and I cried and screamed for about
10 minutes. My sister looked at me when I finally got back to my feet and said "We should
call that tree the penis tree."

The last day of summer before ninth grade there was a large group of friends who were throwing a back to school party at Godfather's Pizza. Myself and few others decided that we should end the summer in style so we dumped a liter of Phillips vodka into a 96 oz jug of orange juice and drank it in the park while before going to the pizza party. I think I drank about a third of it, and I arrived at Godfather's fall down stinking drunk. I remember very little of the pizza party. But I do remember that while walking out of the pizza joint I said something that offended a girl named Jenny R. It must have really offended her because she kicked me hard, unobstructed right in the plum bag. I hit the ground and curled up and she continued to kick me in the groin a good 5 or 6 times until somebody stopped her. This was right out in the parking lot. I struggled to my feet and limped/crawled towards a bus stop bench which I crawled under to try to catch my breath and wait out the tremendous pain in my abdomen. I don't know how long I was under the bench but when I tried to get up from under the bench there was Jenny R and she kicked me in the balls again. It hurt so bad that it sent me into an Incredible Hulk type rage where I didn't even feel the pain for about the minute I spent chasing her. It is a good thing that she jumped on a bike and got away because I would probably still be in jail for what I would've done to her.

The cup. I'll never ever wear a cup again. Ever!
I played catcher when I played baseball. I never really liked to wear a "nut cup" but it was part of the required uniform so I did. One time a foul tip hit the cup square and true the problem was that my right nut had managed to move out to the side of it and it took the full brunt of the edge of the cup. I blacked out and was unable to return to the game.

The water ski.
One summer my goal was to learn how to barefoot water "ski". I tried every way imaginable without the help of a boom off the boat which was unavailable to to me. I tried to stand up off an inner tube. I tried deep water starts. I tried to drop off of a single ski so many times that it was just stupid. The last time I tried to drop off of one ski was the time that the ski jumped up out of the water and cracked me square and true in the grapes. I officially retired from barefoot skiing that day.