Why I love the Lake
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Introduction
Or Lake of the Ozarks for those not in the know
1
Water. I love being on the water.
It might be dirty but I don't care. I think that it has added to my immunity.
2
Boats. The bigger the better.
Sitting around all day drinking is a lot more fun on a boat. Not to mention you can fit more drunks on a boat than in a car so transportation is better for the drunks.
3
Rum Runners
Rum-based cocktails are just delicious. They are even better when topped off with a floater. They do the job and get you drunk...just watch out if you have had too many. Pink puke isn't that pretty.
4
Old drunks
I love old men. Even better when they are drunk and naughty. Liquid courage is amazing. Their dance moves are superb. Leg grinding by an old drunk is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
5
Party Cove
I know other states claim to have this, but they just don't measure up. If you have never been, just google it. The amount of XXX sites that pop up is amazing.
6
White guys dancing
Again, the moves are amazing. I am not a dancer so I try to refrain from flailing around a dance floor, but I love to watch those white boys dance! Liquor sure tends to make people think that they can move!
7
No shoes, no shirt, no problem!
Health codes be damned! They don't care if you don't have shoes or even if you have your ass covered! Thongs are allowed in establishments and I don't mean the kind that go on your feet.
8
Cliff Jumping
It is always a good idea after you have had a few to pull up to a cliff, climb it in your bare feet and jump off to impress your friends waiting safely in the boat.
9
Land Bars
If its raining or you just don't want to pay $3.00 for a can of beer, these are a good place to head to experience the locals.
10
One Man Bands
I think the lake supports enough of these that it should win some sort of an award. Amazingly, they haven't gotten any better after all these years of practice. They just play the same songs and use the same lines to try to connect with the crowd. Good to know some things never change.
11
Aqua Pizza
Even though it is gone now, those of you who might have been lucky enough to partake in some late night boozing or other extracurricular activity at this, uhm, barge, know why it had to make the list.
12
You don't need a license to drive a boat
You can't steal cars when you are under 16 and drive them around after school when you are bored (well, you CAN, but that's another list). But you can take out your parents' boat.
13
Lake Parents
Parents at the lake are so great. They throw great parties, love their kids, love their kids' friends, put up with all sorts of shit, including being too hungover to enjoiy family time or not even showing up for family stuff because they know you want to go out and enjoy the lake. Sometimes they even take you to Party Cove!
14
Fake boobs
I think there are almost as many fake boobs at the lake as there are in LA. Gotta love a place where getting fake boobs comes before getting braces or a much needed nose job. (No offense to anyone in particular).
15
The Salty Dog - in response to the comment below
It is now "officially" called Dog Days 'cause they got sued or something over the name, but everyone just calls it the Dog. The man you mentioned is Dale Blue and yes he still says "Survey Says!!!!" It never gets old to him!
16
Docknockers
This used to be the best bar on the lake for locals, it might still be, but it has grown quite a bit from when I did a lot of underage drinking there. People swear the crablegs are the best (in the midwest). I don't know since I don't eat seafood, but I sure do love the Texas toothpicks. The fishbowl is also a large delicious drink to share with friends. Or take on yourself!
17
Shooters Shootout
Where else can you see a pontoon boat go 80 mph!?
18
Water Patrol
Not because I want to be arrested (though some of them are hot and can cuff me any day) but because I love to see them pull over a sparkly bass fishing boat and try to make the naked old saggy balls guy driving it take a sobriety test. Why even bother?!
19
Wake/Lake Surfing
My buddy Anthony does this on a surfboard behind a 56 ft. boat. Pretty impressive to see a guy ride a wake like that.
20
Stereo Competitions
I know I have lost some hearing just from listening to boats compete to see who can play their country music louder then the rap or vice-versa.
21
Because when the forcast calls for sun and 92 degree temps...
I know I can jump in my car and be down there in 2.5 hours and find a friend already drunk.
22
I will now add fast boats to this list
I used to be a fan of cruisers, which I still am, but after spending the weekend on a fast boat...I have converted a little bit. I used to hate them and was scared to ride in them, but now I know how much fun they can be. As long as they are still big. The little ones still scare me (that can be applied to more things than just boats.)
23
Doc Justice
An 80 something year old man who drives a 1970 something teal houseboat to the bars and touches girls boobs because he thinks he can get away with it since he is a doctor. He also carries little stickers in a pill bottle that say something about ingesting the contents of the bottle will make you have hysterical intercourse. He sticks these on boobs. It is also important to note that he is about 4.5 ft. tall.
I was just trying to explain aqua pizza to someone and I eventually gave up by saying,"its got to be closed now anyway. No way that place is still around."
"hundreds, fitties, and big titties." I still try to throw that out every once in a while even if the situation doesn't warrant it. Its just fun to say...(for those not in the know that's 100 dollar bills, 50 ft boats, and women with large (surgically enhanced or otherwise) lady lumps.
Thirdly, my friend just got back from the Virgin Islands and every time he was expressing something crazy that had happened and I said, "No way" he would say "Island Fever" and laugh. It's like a get out of jail free pass. Can't completely control what happens there. The fevah just takes over. I think that should also apply to the lake. Shrug of the shoulders,"Lake Fever I guess"
"hundreds, fitties, and big titties." I still try to throw that out every once in a while even if the situation doesn't warrant it. Its just fun to say...(for those not in the know that's 100 dollar bills, 50 ft boats, and women with large (surgically enhanced or otherwise) lady lumps.
Thirdly, my friend just got back from the Virgin Islands and every time he was expressing something crazy that had happened and I said, "No way" he would say "Island Fever" and laugh. It's like a get out of jail free pass. Can't completely control what happens there. The fevah just takes over. I think that should also apply to the lake. Shrug of the shoulders,"Lake Fever I guess"
Great list. I've been trying to remember the name of that out door bar on the way home from party cove where the guy sings a lot of Jimmy Buffett stuff, and every few minutes he yells, "Survey says?" and holds up a beer, then everyone screams, "Slam em." and chugs their beer. For an old drunk it don't get no better; drunken surgically enhanced bimbos in thongs. Talk about cheeseburgers in paradise.
The lake is much better than the Gulf. The Gulf doesn't smell/taste like outboard motor oil.
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