Bug picking would be easier...

No, not 409 or Mr. Clean - these are the many, varied things girls purchase to cleanse themselves. We have the face cleaner, the body wash, the foot scrub, finger nail cleaner, etc. etc. etc. I haven't even mentioned the shampoos and hair stuff yet. Hubband uses Dove bar soap. Period. It works for him...

This would be the daily ritual goop; not the once a month beauty shop stuff. That is an entire different item. We have the shampoo, the conditioner, the gel, the spray for wet hair, the Chi balm, the mousse - and that is just before you dry the hair. As you are drying, you must put on the styling product of choice; spray, gel, foam, balm or lotion. After the hair has met the approved standard of doneness, then a holding product must be added. In my mom's day it was Aqua Net hair spray, now it could be any number of items; pump spray, aerosol spray, Chi balm...you get the idea.

Now we are into the big bucks and mighty professional products and appliances. There is highlighting with pull through caps; yep the stylist puts a rubbery cap on your head with little bitty holes, then using a crochet hook type thingy she pulls out a few strands at a time to slap bleach on - OUCH!. OR there is the foil method; this is where she (or he) separates out a bit of hair and lays it on foil, paints the hair with a bleach type product, then wraps the foil around the hair. OR, when you are older, like me, it is the all over dye job. This is lovely. She colors the dry roots with purpley brown stuff while the ends stick out untouched. All of these methods leave you sitting with parts of your hair stuck out, and gooped up, looking ridiculous; hoping and praying no one you know will walk in.

After the color ordeal you are ready for the cut and style. Now you've been washed so the hair is wet, The stylist clips most of it on top of your head so she can cut the bottom parts, then sections off a bit at a time to cut evenly or not, as you prefer. This usually requires clips of various types and purposes. These can be purchased wholesale at Curly's Clip Joint. Finally we are into style; first drying which involves copious amounts of hot air applied by a blow torch, no, I mean blow dryer or a hood type hair dryer. Then more heat is applied with curling or straightening tools to fry the hair into the position desired. Finally, you are done, Now you go home, take the brush to it, and re-style it to look just the way it did prior to entering the salon.

Yep, we have hair in undesirable places. This requires waxing or bleaching. Okay guys imagine waxing (as in ripping the hair out of): your bikini area, your legs, your eye brows or your upper lip. We do this for you. How many of you have dissed the European ladies who don't shave or wax?

You complain about shaving your face, just those few little square inches on top of your body. We have to shave our entire legs. I haven't done the math, but I'm sure there are a lot more square inches of leg than face on the human body. And I haven't even mentioned arm pits yet. Remember those French girls with the hairy armpits...

There is: body lotion, body oil, body spray; hand lotion, hand cream, hand balm, nighttime face lotions, creams, masks; eye toners, lotions, creams, repair oils; daytime moisturizers with sunscreen or without; special foot scrubs and lotions. Some of these will be in the shower for use while cleansing and some on the counter or by the bed, depending on the purpose. There will be some sort of lotion or cream in the purse, in the car, at work...

Many of you ladies have mentioned that you can't live without your lip gloss. There have to be a zillion different types of lip products: gloss with or with out color or sparkle, chap stick with medication, with aloe vera, with sunscreen, without any of those things, in the tube, in the little jar, flavored, unflavored, and on and on...

There are acrylic, sculptured, linen, silk or gel fake fingernails. These usually require a visit to a professional who slaps stuff on then proceeds to file most of it off. Then there is shaping and color choices; reds, pinks, purples, russets, or the ever popular french tip. Now there is nail art; the paid professional paints a decorated scheme on the nail or applies a decal of some sort. Kind of like nail tattoos. Some ladies choose to stay natural and apply polish. Well, no, not just polish - there is the top coat, the color times two then the finish coat. You have to get your money and keys out before any of this is done so you aren't digging in your purse with wet nails. They teach that in nail polish school

OMG I think this may be a list by itself, but I will try. After the face is properly prepared with the appropriate moisturizers foundation is applied; liquid, powder & paste are the preferred. It's not really called paste, but that is what it is. Then there is cheek color; powder blush, stick blush or just pinching your cheeks all day. If you are really good, you can use different colors to highlight facial bones. Now we are to the eyes. First there is the eyelash curler, a tool from hell. Stick this pincher up against your eyelids and squeeze! Then liner; pencil or liquid - ya gotta have a steady hand for this. Now you get to shape and define with shadow. Supposedly you are supposed to use a shadow that accentuate your natural colors and not match your clothing for the day. Tell this to all of the women with aqua shadow under their brows.

Nope, not even gonna go there...

That is definitely a list all by itself. I couldn't even begin to touch the choices...