The King is dead. The greatest philosopher of our time.

By Norm 438 days ago Updated 105 days ago 70830 Views 7 Comments

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Introduction

The light that was pure comedic genius has been snuffed.

George Carlin dead at 71.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

“Meow” means “woof” in cat

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked!

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

What year did Jesus think it was?

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"

"Just because you got the monkey off your back does not mean the circus has left town."

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"If god had intended us not to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter."

7 Comments

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that is the funny thing about comedy. Its sometimes the truth of it that makes it funny. Reality is funny. I guess it shows that God has a sense of humor.

Noahposted 438 days ago

This, sir...is a list.

Alexposted 438 days ago

I think you could probably go about 14 screens with this one. My favorite Carlinism is, “If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

Truly words to live by. Great list

Ol Hippieposted 438 days ago

I love this list. Can't believe I hadn't seen this one yet. Bravo!

jarroyoposted 270 days ago

Pure genius! You gottab love Carlin!

sharkybposted 183 days ago

"Think how stupid the average person is, now imagine that half the world is dumber than that."

adminposted 105 days ago

Wow, this is weird. I started to say "I saw George Carlin live in the 70's". That doesn't seem quite right since he is recently dead. Then I thought of, "I saw George Carlin in concert in the 70's" but calling what a comedian does a concert isn't quite right either. Hmmm - ???

The point is, he and Bill Cosby have been the funniest two men on the face of our planet for many years. They are diametrically opposite in their comedy, nobody can get a laugh without resorting to foul language, potty humor or sex topics better that Bill Cosby. And George Carlin could harvest more laughs from those topics than any body before or since.

He hasn't "past away or expired", we haven't "lost" him, he DIED. Hopefully he is entertaining all of those poor souls down below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PiZSFIVFiU

Pamposted 105 days ago