The Life and Times of My Office-Mate

Wednesday nights are dollar corona nights...Thursday mornings are horrible. Thursday mornings also seem to be the day that this guy decides he's going to bother the living shit out of me.

He literally sat two feet behind me slurping down cold vienna sausages last week, all the while asking about various bits of code I was working on.

He kneels next to you...and when I say "next to you", I mean, he is rubbing on your leg.

On three different occasions, he's pushed his way into the same section of a revolving door with me.

I've talked with him about this, but he just giggles (I'll get to this), and wanders off.

One day before a meeting, he got so anxious that he pinched me on the elbow. He pinched my elbow. Let me repeat this, he pinched another man's elbow because of a meeting five doors down the hall.

When he's given a task, he asks me for help...sure, no big deal right. Well, everytime, it somehow turns into me typing, and him dictating what should occur.

When confronted (it's happened a couple hundred times), he giggles and walks away.

When you're at work, and someone is typing diligently, with a look of intense focus while wearing headphones, what do you do? I would hope you would say something like "Let them work..." or "Leave them alone."

Oh no. Super-pal comes up, and waves. I shit you not, he stands in your field of view and mouths "Hey."...."Hey"....."Hey" and if you don't respond, he waves his hand in front of your computer.

Well, not really. But he keeps it, and our other trashcan under his desk. This forces me to horde garbage, in order to avoid having to go over to him and get sucked into a horrible conversation.

This guy would step on my face to be the first person in a meeting with a higher up. Seriously. He pinched my elbow because he was so anxious to get there.

What a horrible commute (30 minutes, against traffic)...
His computer is too slow (Brand New, Dual AMD 64bit, 2+ gigs of ram).
He had to pay 100$ for dental. (He gets paid at least 2x more than me).

This is an actual example of an email from him. This is the email in it's entirety. It came with the subject "The road path."

"- makes sense only for I.T. System Manager
- Wont makes sense for Data-Modeler ( They need PKEYS to live happy)
- wont make sense for Developper - they hate Over-Coding Bells-Whissles
- makes sense for Auditor - They got and Audit-Trail to relies on...
- wont make sense for DBA - Too much space to maintain...

- Been there Seen It...


- you decide...now..."

All of his emails follow this format...bulleted list of bat shit crazy.

He goes outside, smokes a couple cigarettes, then goes and sleeps in his car for up to 2 hours some days. He claims he was in our 10 foot by 10 foot server room, and that I must have "missed him".

When confronted about sleeping in his car, he blames being tired on his commute (read "He complains constantly")

Every white board in our office is covered in his printouts. He goes through at least 200 pieces of printer paper a week. There are four containers of pens/pencils/markers on his desk.

Like a group of school girls. He literally covers his mouth with his hands and giggles. I don't know if I have the ability to explain how annoying this is. If you ever trust one thing you read on the internet...it should be this; This guy's giggling is the most annoying thing I've ever heard.