Funny Tombstones
By 
Introduction
Might as well leave them laughing!
1
Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.
2
In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
3
In a Ribbesford, England cemetery: The children of Israel wanted bread and the Lord sent them manna, old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.
4
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.
5
In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up and no place to go.
6
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast, pardon me for not rising.
7
Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
8
In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery: Here lays Butch, we planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw.
9
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.
10
A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
11
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.
12
In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!"
13
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig 4 feet deep, and thou wilt find a penny.
14
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a .44. No Les No More.
15
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune.
16
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna. Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.
17
Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: Gone away owin' more than he could pay.
18
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903-Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.
19
Here lies my wife, I bid her goodbye. She rests in peace and now so do I.
20
Dear Departed brother Dave he chased a bear into a cave
21
Rest in Peace Cousin Huet we all know you didn't do it
22
I came into this world Without my consent And left in the same manner. Chattanooga, Tennessee
23
Here Lies Good Old Fred. Great big rock fell on his head.
24
Here lies a man named Zeke. Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek
25
Mary Weary Housewife. Dear Friends I am going where washing ain't done or cooking or sewing: Don't mourn for me now or weep for me never: For I go to do nothing forever and ever!
26
Here Lies Ned. There is nothing more to be said because we like to speak well of the dead.
27
Arthur C. Hoamn: Once I wasn't then I was. Now I ain't again
28
Bill Blake Was hanged by mistake
29
Here lies Clyde whose life was full until he tried to milk a bull
30
Sacred To The Remains of Jonathan Thompson A Pious Christian and Affectionate Husband. His disconsolate widow Continues to carry on His grocery business At the old stand on Main Street: Cheapest and best prices in town. Harwichport
31
Blown upward out of sight: He sought the leak by candlelight
32
Here beneath this pile of stones Lies all thats left of Sally Jones. Her name was Smith, not Jones, But Jones was used to rhyme with stones.
33
The dust of Melantha Gribbling Swept up at last by the Great Housekeeper Woodville, England
34
Here lies a man who while he lived Was happy as a linnet. He always lied while on the earth And now he's lying in it.
35
Here lies Pa. Pa liked wimin. Ma caught Pa in with two swimmin. Here lies Pa.
36
Here lies Elizabeth, my wife for 47 years, and this is the first damn thing she ever done to oblige me. Streatham Churchyard, England
37
1796 -- WISE -- 1878 Here lies the body of Ephraim Wise. Safely tucked between his two wives. One was Tillie and the other Sue. Both were faithful, loyal, and true. By his request in ground that's hilly His coffin is set tilted toward Tillie.
38
Here lies the father of 29. He would have had more But he didn't have time. Moultrie, Georgia
39
On a spinster postmistress: Returned--Unopened. In a North Carolina cemetery
40
Here lies the body of John Round. Lost at sea and never found. Belturbet, Ireland
Actually a number of people used a number of these. For example, I saw number 12 at a cemetary in Key West. Also, one of my favorite people, Erma Bombeck, used it on her gravestone in Dayton, OH. Close to daisyland, no?
Yes, my brother and his family live in Dayton, about a 2 and a half to 3 hour drive from "Daisyland" (depending on who is driving---my husband drives a bit faster than I do!).
Welcome back, Pam! You were missed! :)
Barbara Walters says she still has trouble making a decision. She 'thinks' her epitaph will read, "Maybe I should have lived?".
Great list!
"I told you I looked better than I felt."
"I told you I looked better than I felt."
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