A Meat-Eater's Favorite Vegan Eateries

Eli and I happily ate our way through most of the menu when we were here last year. Five days straight, baby. On our last night, we scored free desserts. Which was good, since by that point our wallets were full of just lint and old receipts.

We used to eat here every Sunday for awhile and the food is always amazing. It's like a bitch-slap of "I am Delicious" to your taste buds. That's how good it is.

We used to go to this place back when it was stuck in a strip mall in Willow Grove, PA. They have moved up in the world and their "new" location on South Street is a welcome change. They have really good seitan (wheat gluten) dishes and desserts. Don't bother begging them to cater your wedding. I have tried, stopping just short of actual stalking, to no avail. No matter, you can drown your remorse in their spicy jerk seitan.

This is vegan Korean food, served in a soothing temple-like setting, where you take off your shoes (this is always quite funny to observe in those unfamiliar with the place) and put traditional slippers on. Massive wooden doors seal off the hustle and bustle of K-Town and the waiter and waitress, wearing traditional Korean garb, sort of glide around silently. It's so relaxing you would be apt to fall asleep, if not for the spreading fiery feeling in the back of your throat, after taking an over-eager bite of spicy jiggae. This place may sound adventurous but don't be put off. My future in-laws, who aren't particularly adventurous, were scarfing down kimchee with the best of them, by meal's end!

The vegan buffalo wings are exactly like the best boneless real chicken buffalo wings you've ever had in your stinkin' life. And mercy, are they hot. Everything else? A doctor, I ain't, but I proclaim diagnosis: delicious. We ate here earlier this year on our way to and from Breckenridge and when Eli got his Philly seitan to go, to take on the plane, I scoffed. But 5 minutes after leaving the restaurant, I immediately regretted my decision and had to console myself with a cold muffin. I still get tears in my eyes when I think about it.

Their rice bowl, spicy noodle soup, and bibimbop salad combo is like one of those crazy Tekken combos that you could only pull off during one, crucial, blazing glory kind of moment in your life, while flailing at the controller and smashing every digit on your hand. It's in the Golden Triangle area of DC. Or as I like to say, the Golden Triangle of Deliciousness.

They also have your sandwiches, tofu scrambles, brunch items, and desserts too-

The little sister to the more grown-up, upscale Candle 79, this place makes a mean watermelon lemondade and canjun seitan sandwich:

"Spicy pan seared seitan, steamed greens, caramelized onions and avocado served on a toasted focaccia with ancho chili aioli & coleslaw."

Enough said.

Well, almost enough said. One more thing: you lucky New Yorkers get to have their food "to go" in the prepared foods section of Whole Foods.

This has disquietingly realistic and deeeelicious vegan pho. I don't know what sort of vegan alchemy occurs in the kitchen but it's like the real thing.

We ate here way too often, cheek to cheek with hipsters and college kids during three long-ass years of law school. They were making their own seitan back then, dunno about now, but their Happy Family dish is pretty durn happy. So is the "beef" and asparagus. Oh, and the hot and sour soup is also somewhat hot, very sour, and entirely good.

Ahhhhh....New Jersey. Home to such colorful local fauna as the massive SUV wielding (that's right, I said wielding, not driving) suburban housewives, impeccably turned out in juicy couture, toting louis vuitton bags and dragging "tween" offspring to the Short Hills Mall, to Neiman Marcus, where both mother and daughter will shop in the juniors' department...

Where was I? Oh right, the great Garden State, in which I have improbably landed, for at least a few years. Veggie Heaven is one of very few vegan restaurants, and one of even fewer good vegan restaurants, in the area. There are two locations and despite sharing the same menu, the dishes may be totally different between one location and the other. It's kind of fun to try to predict whether a dish at Location A will be the same as at Location B.

So with that caveat, try the Hunan Dumplings at the Parsippany location (tucked away in a strip mall and having almost no atmosphere, whatsoever, but blessed with the friendliest staff anywhere and a disarmingly predictable muzak soundtrack). The sauce for these dumplings is addictive. So much so, in fact, that I have to sneakily leave half of a dumpling (you get ten) swimming in the broth to prevent the helpful waiter from taking it away. Why do I hoard this with the intensity of a singleminded, demented squirrel? Because it's good enough to drown everything else I ordered, in it. I get the distinct feeling that Eli thinks this is kind of gross but I'm telling you people that it makes everything taste better. If they bottled it and sold it, I would buy a case and drown everything in it, like an ugly American playing fast and loose with a bottle of ketchup in Paris.

For kicks, you can also try the "veggie whooper" (a play on the BK Whopper, heh heh) which comes with lightly battered sweet potato fries and finish it off with vegan ice cream (tofutti) or their homemade cheesecake, which is exactly like the real thing.

It's the perfect diner, has a mean breakfast plate and their vegan shakes are incredible. Oh, and did I mention they're open until 3 am..?

This place merits a mention for two reasons: (1) the food (Sri Lankan) is amazing and I had a really weird-sounding but tasty dish here, they were croquettes filled with seaweed! and (2) the last time I was here, (dunno if they still do this regularly) they had a night (unannounced but occuring once a week on a different day each week) where you would receive a check without any prices and you would have to write in what you felt the meal was worth. Only in California!

This place is beautiful inside and the food is pretty good. It didn't rate on my top 10 but Eli was a big fan. They did have a mindblowing starter though - A buttery (fake), garlicky mini eggless muffin thing. It's hard to explain and has a surprising texture but was the best thing not on the menu (you can't order it, it just comes out like bread at the beginning of the meal). My chile rellenos was good but not great but Eli's seitan was better. His salad with bamboo was also really different and good and I overtook his salad plate like a crazed, fork-wielding panda.

This place was lowkey, spare and cheery. I ordered an Indian platter, which was good but not earth shattering and Eli had a macrobiotic bowl which was really excellent. We also had faux pate, which was interesting. We ordered faux BLT sandwiches to go after our meal and the question that must be pondered when exploring the topic of fake BLT sandwiches is this: what is the "B" in the BLT? Sometimes it's tofu, sometimes it's wheat gluten, sometimes it's tempeh. This time, ladies and gentlemen, it was coconut. Yep, coconut. Needless to say the texture was a little odd but 1 bite out of 3 did taste bacony, which was really weird, somewhat disturbing, and begged to be repeated just to make sure.

We went to the McGill College Street location. Le Commensal is a chain of buffet style, pay by weight type places with a great selection of items from soup, salad, sides, entrees, to desserts and beverages, but not all of it is vegan (vegan dishes are marked with a "V"). They also have prepared foods too, although I've never seen them sold in the states. It's convenient, fast, hearty, and good if you're looking for variety. On the down side, some of the food is heavy and has the forlorn buffet look of having sat there for a bit, although I suppose it largely depends on what time of the day you go.