Signs You Won't Be Nominated As Father Of The Year
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1
You are proud of yourself for being thrifty when you buy duct tape as a substitute for both a high chair and a playpen.
2
You think face down in a shoe is a perfectly fine place for a baby to sleep.
3
When your daughter asks if she can ride her bike, you say "Sure!" without asking her the all-important follow-up question of, "Where are you going to ride?"
4
When someone asks you, "What's wrong with this picture?" You say, "That baby is too little to drink out of a mug. His beer should be in a bottle!"
5
When someone asks you "What's wrong with this picture?" You say, "That baby should be fastened into a high chair. He might fall off that big chair!"
6
Your wife leaves you in charge of the kids while she goes shopping. She returns home to find you sleeping. She finds one of the kids in the kitchen.....
7
....and the other two in the living room.
8
You think your wife should congratulate you for multi-tasking when you give the baby a bath in the sink while washing the dishes....
including sharp knives and a cheese grater!
9
You teach your child to gather the coins from the water in a fountain because you want him to learn early how to make his own way in the world.
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AND... you think selling a bit of adspace is a great way to turn your little tax deduction into a real moneymaker!
11
You tell your son not to be a wimp and to stand up for himself against bullies no matter how big the other guy is.
12
You think as long as the baby is going to be crawling around on the floor, he might as well be doing a bit of cleaning while he's down there.
13
You take the kids to a drive through safari for a day of fun.
14
You hire a clown for your three year old's birthday party.
15
Your wife suggests that your child is old enough to have a pet, so you bring home a hat full of baby possums.
No insurance, no warranty, and worst of all, no instruction manual. They do come with a kind of love that is beyond your imagination in size and scope, however, which far outweighs all of the above. Oh, and if you decide to have some someday, make sure you have a lot of money and a lot of cleaning supplies on hand because you're going to need them!! :-)
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