Make a Connection With Your Kids

First of all, in order to connect with your children, you must be on friendly terms with them. Is there an issue between you and your daughter or son that is a constant source of friction and discord between the two of you? If so, now is the time to sit down with your child and work it out. Find a way to compromise and to settle the issue once and for all.

Tired of nagging your son to clean his room? Tell him that you are tired of it, and get his opinion on what can be done to solve the problem. Perhaps he can agree to do a thorough cleaning once a week or every two weeks, and you can agree to just close the door and ignore the mess the rest of the time without nagging. Or perhaps you can offer to help him keep it clean if he will, in return, do a chore for you, such as, be in charge of walking the dog regularly or emptying the dishwasher.

Psychologist, Dr. James D. Sutton, EdD, author of If My Kid’s So Nice...Why’s He Driving ME Crazy? lists "Seven Tips for Getting Along Better with Your Kids," which will give you further guidance in this area.

To find out more about your child’s wishes, hopes, and dreams, play a game of make believe. Ask your daughter what she would do with the money if she were to play the lottery and win. Be sure to tell her how you would spend the money, as well, if you were the lucky winner. Or, ask your son what he would wish for if he had a magic lamp with a genie inside that would grant him three wishes when the lamp was rubbed. Once again, be sure to share what your wishes would be with him. The information learned from these exercises will help you and your child get to know each other better.

Talk to your children about family plans. Whether it be about where to take a summer vacation, what kind of flowers to plant in the garden, or what color to paint the family room, include your kids in family discussions. Major decisions will ultimately rest with you and your spouse as parents, but getting input from your children can help you weigh the pros and cons. Your children will feel more like contributing members of the family if their opinions are valued and asked for.

Go out of your way to do extraordinary things for your kids. If you find out your son’s favorite musical group is coming to your area, order concert tickets to surprise him. Treat your daughter and one of her close friends to dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by a movie with you. Making your kids aware that you know their likes and dislikes and that you care enough about them to do something special for them will strengthen the bond between you. This will teach them, by example, to do special things for others too.

Call a family meeting. Talk to your children about the importance of giving back to your community. Ask your children what causes and charities they care about. Try to come up with one that all members of the family think is worthwhile. Find one that would be the best fit for your family. Put a jar on the kitchen table. Ask all family members to put their spare change into the jar for a month’s time. At the end of the month, donate the money to the chosen charity. You can keep the charity year round as your family charity and make a donation to it every month, or choose a new charity each month to spread the joy around.

Carry support of a cause to the next step by getting the family involved. Go on a walk, bike ride, or run together to raise funds for research for the cure of a disease. Write letters together to your congressman or other official expressing your concern about issues that matter to you and your children. Volunteer together at your church, the local humane society, or at the food pantry to help feed the homeless. There are countless ways you can work together with your kids to make a difference in the lives of others.

Teach your children how good it can feel to do random acts of kindness. Have them help you mow the grass, weed the garden, or shovel the driveway of an elderly neighbor. Help them design "thinking of you" cards to mail to a favorite aunt, uncle, grandparent, or cousin. Teach them how to make unique homemade greeting cards. Encourage your kids to use their artistic talents to make cheerful pictures to take to a local nursing home to give to the residents there. Bake a batch of cookies with your children to deliver to the local police or fire station to let them know you appreciate what they do for the community.

With all family members present, create a master list of household chores. Assign each job to a family member. Some chores are better if shared by two or three members. Be sure to alternate from week to week or month to month so that no one is stuck with the same chore over and over. Make it clear that each family member is to do his or her part to help out. This will encourage your children to think of your family as a team that works together to accomplish goals.

Become known as a family for what you do best. If musical ability, whether it be vocal or instrumental, seems to run in your family, consider performing a song together for a special occasion at a service at your church or for the local town talent show. Form your own family band and play for friends when you have a party or at family get-togethers. If arts and crafts are your family’s strong suit, create one of a kind gifts for Christmas or birthdays. Design something all members of the family can make to sell at craft shows and bazaars.

Take turns with meal preparation involving all members of the family. Make sure everyone gets a chance to participate at each stage from deciding on the menu, to buying the groceries, to setting the table, to actually preparing the food, and finally, in cleaning up afterwards. For younger children, some tasks will need to be age appropriate, of course, or done with some assistance from Mom or Dad or an older sibling. Food is the centerpiece for many activities in our culture and traditionally has been a cornerstone in building family relationships and memories. Besides, everyone has to eat, so everyone should know how to cook. A side benefit of this is the camaraderie you can share with your children while you prepare and enjoy food together.

To instill a sense of history in your children and make them aware of their past, why not create a family history together. This can take many forms. You can work together with your kids to make a family scrapbook with photos, art work, letters and so forth gathered from various extended family members such as grandparents, aunts and uncles. If your child enjoys writing, help him or her to put together a book of family stories, traditions, recipes, and events.

Another possibility is to create a video presentation. Have your children come up with a list of questions with which to interview extended members of the family, as well as immediate family members. One child can do the interviewing while another runs the camera. Make a new movie every year. These are fun to play back at holiday parties and family reunions.

Keeping fit and healthy is an important habit to instill in your kids, and it can be a bonding experience for you as well. Make it a family priority to exercise together. Whether you enjoy long bike rides, shooting hoops in the driveway, taking pilates or yoga classes together, or going on nature walks through the park, exercising as a family is one more way to cement the connection between you and your children.

If you need help motivating your children to get off the couch, visit the internet site listed for ideas. Kids today need to know that exercise should be a part of their daily routine.

Remember to uphold family traditions from one year to the next. Kids look forward to the rituals of family holidays and get-togethers. Whether it is tasting Grandma’s heart-shaped sugar cookies on Valentine’s Day or hanging the wreath on the front door at Christmas time, or always attending the parade and fireworks together on the Fourth of July, children grow to cherish and expect family traditions. These traditions remind kids of who they are and that they are part of something larger than themselves. Kids like knowing that they will be able to count on certain things.

Life is messy-- you might as well get used to it. Don’t be afraid to accept that, once in a while, in order to have fun, a mess is made. If mittens and coats get soaked and floors get tracked up after a snowman building contest, the fun that was had is well worth the necessary clean-up. The same is true when sugar and flour are spilled on the floors and counters after an afternoon of baking and decorating cookies. And if swimsuits drip a puddle onto the bathroom tile after a sunny day at the pool or an all-out water gun fight in the back yard, it is best to take it in stride and be grateful for the joy of the day.

Most important of all, when trying to make a connection with your kids, remember to have a sense of humor and to seek out opportunities to have fun. Check out joke books and books of funny stories from the library. Read a few pages together with your children each night before bed. On a rainy day, check out the web to find all sorts of web links to entertain your children while they are trapped inside. Set aside one night a week for a family game night to play board or card games. Gather in the family room to watch a rented movie and snack on popcorn. Go on picnics together. Join a bowling league as a family. Plan ahead to make time to visit local museums, fairs, and amusement parks. Whatever way works best for your family, keeping your kids close will always be its own reward.