The 27 funniest men of all time.
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Introduction
Comedy is subjective, but not totally. To make this list, you can't be "snicker" funny, or funny "in that one movie" funny, or "everybody says he's" funny. To make this list you have to be capable of provoking a spit take in my own bed funny, or beer out my nose funny. Basically make me leak liquid from some bodily orifice.
27. Jon Stewart
A silly guy that cracks me up, and makes me have happy dreams.
26. Steven Wright
"Last night .... when I got home,,,,,,,,someone had stolen all of my furniture.........and replaced it with exact replicas."
25. Tim Allen
The first ime I saw his real men are cavemen standup routine, I almost wet myself.
24. Jack Benny
Master of the slow take. When I was a kid, he and Rochester cracked me up.
23. Redd Foxx
I saw his standup routine the first time I went to Las Vegas; literally fell out of my chair. (Of course, a dozen Black Jack and waters may have helped.)
22. Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
Charley Weaver to block.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
21. Paul Linde
Good old uncle Arthur. Also a center square mainstay.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
20. Dennis Leary
I watched his first HBO special and thought I would suffocate; I couldn't catch my breath.
“The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the shit that killed Belushi.”
"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to fu*#ing nurture.”
Truly a man after my own heart.
“The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the shit that killed Belushi.”
"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to fu*#ing nurture.”
Truly a man after my own heart.
19. Lewis Black
Quite an angry young man.
"In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.”
"It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we've got duct tape, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!””
"In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.”
"It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we've got duct tape, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!””
18. Don Rickles
"Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?”
On Frank Sinatra: “When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket."
On Frank Sinatra: “When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket."
17. Jerry Seinfeld
Maybe the best "observational" comic of all.
"Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
"Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
16. Eddy Murphy
Before he bacame a movie star.
"Raw" killed me.
"Raw" killed me.
15. Rodney Dangerfield
Always put Carson on the floor with tears in his eyes. Me too.
"A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."
"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
"A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."
"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
14. Albert Brooks
The first time I saw him do "Danny the Dummy" ventriloquist bit, I screamed, and his "beginner's impressionist kit" bit on Carson was classic.
13. Buddy Hackett
I saw Hackett in Las Vegas. It was the single funniest hour I have ever spent.
12. Lenny Bruce
I saw him at a coffee house in Checkerboard Square in 1963.
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."
11. Woody Allen
Before he was a director, he was a standup comic. He was hilarious, and brilliant.
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark to stay on."
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark to stay on."
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
10. Flip Wilson
"The devil made me buy that dress.”
The first black man to host in his own TV show. One of the great story tellers of all time.
The first black man to host in his own TV show. One of the great story tellers of all time.
9. George Carlin
There is already a Carlin quotes list so I'll just let you look at that. Hilarious until five years ago; sadly now just a pissed off asshole.
8. Richard Prior
I had to think long and hard about making him number 1. So very funny, just not very quotable. A legend, and the man responsible for Chris Rock, and Eddie Murphy.
7. Chris Rock
The funniest man working today.
"Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to."
"Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95."
"Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to."
"Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95."
6. Sam Kinison
The funniest standup routine of all time may be, "Breaking the Rules" HBO special. My wife and I watch it at least five times a year, and still cry with laughter.
5. Steve Martin
Truly a wild and crazy guy.
"Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!"
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
"Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!"
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
4. Jonathan Winters
The king of improv. Also a great story teller.
3. Bill Cosby
Saw the Coz in concert a couple of times. "To Russell My Brother Who I Slept With" is maybe the best comedy album ever.
2. Robin Williams
See "Robin Williams in Carnegie Hall" if you have any questions.
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”
1. Tie - Johnny Carson
If by some miracle I could remember the 10,000 biggest laughs I ever had, I am pretty sure that at least 7,000 would be as a result of a Carson line. I miss him every night at 11:30. No one else will ever come close.
1. Tie - W.C. Fields
www.onmylist.com/category/miscellaneous/The_wisdo…
Number 1 funniest movie guy.
Apologies to:
Bob Newhart, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Henny Youngman, Orson Bean, Alan King, Shelley Berman, Paul Reiser, Dice Clay, and Billy Crystal, All very funny, but I didn't think of them in time.
Oh, Ol' Hippie, when you are right, you are right - or should I say correct?
I would like to add Tim Conway from the old days. I saw Cosby and Carlen years ago in concert, both hilarious; Cosby is the only guy I've seen who can be that funny without being crude and Carlen took funny & crude to a new level of hilarity.
I would like to add Tim Conway from the old days. I saw Cosby and Carlen years ago in concert, both hilarious; Cosby is the only guy I've seen who can be that funny without being crude and Carlen took funny & crude to a new level of hilarity.
I saw the name of your list and thought "I am going to add Steve Martin." Glad he is there. I also think his humor is "smart"...as Carlin USED to be. I agree with your comments...uh,oh...did you HEAR what I wrote?????? :-)
Man I miss watching Johnny Carson..... The King of Late Night!! DAMN!
Wow, what a great list, Ol Hippie. :) You sure covered the bases with this one. The old Hollywood Squares show was one of the funniest things around. I always thought Charlie Weaver was just the greatest. Some of my other favorites you have here are Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Seinfeld, Letterman, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, and Bob Newhart. Thanks! This is a keeper.
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