Jezebel Thursday, October 11, 2007

Snap Judgment: Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem Get Intimate In The Indian Ocean

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[Maldives, Indian Ocean. October (specific date unknown). Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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Dirt Bag: Kimora Lee Simmons & New Man Having Lots Of Sex

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Go ahead and file this under things you hate yourself for wanting to know more about: Kimora Lee Simmons wants another baby -- and she wants boyfriend Djimon Hounsou to be the daddy. Seems like they...

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Evening Purge: Madonna Leaves Gym, Record Label; Another Tragic School Shooting

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Madonna left her record deal for a new, kind of crazy wide-ranging $120 million deal with Live Nation, which I'm pretty sure used to be called Clear Channel; apparently the deal is "unprecedented."...

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Clips: "Men Look At Every Woman With The Selfless Wish For Sexual Fulfillment..."

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newVideoPlayer("Red_Eye_Sexual_Rejection_Syndrome.flv", 475, 376); It's been a long day. Such a long day I forgot exactly what about this guy ranting and raving on last night's "Red Eye" about how...

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The Vagina Dialogues: Do You Shoot The Shit During A Pelvic Exam?

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Do you find yourself engaged in mindless small talk during a gynecological exam? Like about the weather, or the office decor, or really anything, so long as it takes your mind off the fact that...

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The Bushnell Administration: Revisiting 'Sex & The City': What Do These People Deserve More Than Each Other? Hint: It's Not "Your Attention"

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One of the most confusing things about the old Sex & The City columns is that Candace Bushnell actually found so many thoroughly hateful people -- In real life? In her ass? Unclear! -- in the...

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For The Record: In a move to combat the insane amount of ...

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In a move to combat the insane amount of track leaks, Jive has moved up the release of Britney's new album to October 30 (mischief night, y'all). The cover art for the aptly titled Blackout (really,...

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Something Stinks: Celebrity Scents: Cold Hard Cash With A Top Note Of Shamelessness

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Worldwide sales of the top ten celebrity scent lines totaled $353.6 million last year, reports Forbes. Heading the pack as top-seller was Sean John Unforgivable, the signature scent of Sean "Diddy"...

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Snap Judgment: Still Not Liking The Susan Sontag Style On Amy Winehouse

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[London, October 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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Special Delivery: Daddy In Delivery Room: Do Or Don't?

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There are some hilarious tales in today's Mirror from UK dads who were -- and were not -- present while their wives gave birth. Stuart Austin, 33, says if he had to do it again, he'd "be like a 1950s...

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Snap Judgment: Christina Aguilera Goes Even More Public With Her Pregnancy

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[Los Angeles, CA; Oct. 9. Image via x17.]

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Memo To Margi: Dear Page Six Magazine, So Where Are You Getting Your Weed?

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Dear Page Six Magazine editor Margi Conklin,

Hi! Long time no ombuds. I meant to get to you earlier on this, and by the time I got to it I wrote this really long missive that I'm editing now...

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Fun With Favors: Hmmm you know how Cate Blanchett is always ...

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Hmmm you know how Cate Blanchett is always wearing some Armani dress or another on the red carpet? Well -- whoah! coincidence alert! -- now Giorgio himself has cut a big fat check for the Sydney...

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Maghag: 'Us Weekly' Takes Obsession With Angelina's Outfits All The Way To The Checkout Counter

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Great minds think alike? One day after we ran our gallery of Angelina Jolie's back-to-school style, Us Weekly hits newsstands with a two-page spread on the exact same thing. But the magazine took...

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Snap Judgment: Angelina Jolie Shocks Manhattan, Wears Color

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[New York, October 10. Image via INF.]

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Stats Feed: Today's most popular headlines are This Week ...

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Today's most popular headlines are This Week In Tabloids: Bodies, Babies, Botox, Bikini Waxes & Britney (4,502 views today), Shocker: Liberal New Yorkers Hate "Hormonal" Elisabeth Hasselbeck (3,667)...

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Unhappy Hour: Booze & Boobs: We're So Confused

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Remember the findings that showed that alcohol is linked to breast cancer? The truth is, we weren't sure what to think about them. Can we fucking drink or or can we not??? Anyway, today's New York...

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Pole Positions: Strippers are people, too! Well, people eligible ...

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Strippers are people, too! Well, people eligible for worker's compensation, that is. On Tuesday, an Indiana appeals court upheld a judgment in which an exotic dancer, Angela Hobson, was awarded over...

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Celebrity Shockers: Paris Hilton's Mom Makes Lindsay's Look Like Mother Of The Year

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Adjacent to a one-pager glossing over female groundbreakers in international justice in November's Vanity Fair is a six page treatise by Judith Newman -- she of the awful Allure Britney Spears...

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Snap Judgment: Kirsten Dunst's Shorts, Shoes, Have Seen Better Days

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[West Hollywood, October 8. Image via FlyNet.]

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Broadsides: Mr. Winehouse Woulda Said, "No, No, No."

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Apparently, many men are still following that archaic, women-as-property tradition of asking their future-father-in-laws for "permission' to marry their girlfriends. Something tells us Amy...

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Sound Advice: We always knew we liked Dear Abby (real name: ...

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We always knew we liked Dear Abby (real name: Jeanne Phillips) for a reason! The all-American advice-columnist has given the big thumbs up to same-sex marriage: "There should be gay marriage. I...

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Highlights For Adults: Elle Investigates The Tyranny Of Paula Zahn Highlights

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Elle runs an "investigation" of the television media in its November issue that reveals something that will surprise maybe that class of people who ever looked up "gullible" in the dictionary: female...

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Snap Judgment: Jessica & Justin: Sleepy Or Stoned?

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[Toronto, October 9. Image via INF.]

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Clips: 'Real World' Roommate Ralphs, Rumbles

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newVideoPlayer("realworldfight.flv", 475, 376);

Here's a preview clip of tonight's Real World episode in which two of the girls (the "ethnic" one and one of the boobie blondes) get in a fight over a...

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Pussy Whipped: A new study finds that married men tend to ...

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A new study finds that married men tend to have lower testosterone levels than single, unmarried men. The research, performed on men in Kenya, supports previous similar studies from North America....

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Midweek Madness: This Week In Tabloids: Bodies, Babies, Botox, Bikini Waxes & Britney

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It's Wednesday, which means it's time for Midweek Madness. This week, no two celebrity tabloid overs are the same! Jennifer Lopez, Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears are joined by two composite covers...

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Snap Judgment: Airwalks! Wu Wear! Chub! Lindsay's New Boyfriend Is... Kinda Our Type

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October 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin.

His name sounds like Miley Cyrus, but it's actually Riley Giles. I don't know who the hell he is but they're in Salt Lake City presumably not to SKI, and she's...

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Pick-up Artists: Selling Shoes Is A Fine Art Of Seduction

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"You've got to romance her a bit, talk to her, and let her give you vibes of what she wants... You gotta know when to back off, when to push it. You have to be sharp." No, that isn't The Pick Up...

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Croc 'o Shit: What's worse than medi-Crocs? Fuzzy Crocs! ...

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What's worse than medi-Crocs? Fuzzy Crocs! Yes, Crocs are going "winter chic." The good news? They're cheaper than Uggs. The bad news? They're actually uglier. [Daily Mail]

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Kids Today: Teen Boys Love Implants Almost As Much As They Hate Period Bloods, Reports Cosmo Girl!

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OMG the Heidi Montag issue of Cosmo Girl! keeps giving, like a full heaving bosom full of saline and strawberry Quik. And like, where would a Heidi Montag-lionizing issue be without a story on breast...

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Snap Judgment: Eva Mendes Pulls A Marc Jacobs On Movie Premiere Red Carpet

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[New York, October 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

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Trash TV: Modern Day Nancy Spungen Arrested In Las Vegas

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newVideoPlayer("jailrestraint.flv", 475, 376);

Our favorite booking cop from reality series Jail, Officer Nicole, was confronted with a sassy, uncontrollable, wild, cursing, smartass Nancy...

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Reality Life: Today's New York Observer runs an interview ...

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Today's New York Observer runs an interview with our favorite reality TV underminer, Bridget Helene, the Seventh House PR assistant from The Fashionista Diaries. Bridget discusses her career goals...

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The World Is Flat Chested: Tom Friedman: Younger Generation Should Be More Cynical, Like Paris Hilton

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The NY Times' Tom Friedman wrote a column today on how the younger generation is colossally clueless and terrifyingly sanguine about how fucked we are on account of his generation, possibly because...

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Snap Judgment: Milla Jovovich Inhales Pedicure While Pregnant

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[Los Angeles, CA; Oct. 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Related: The High Price of Beauty [The Nation]

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Ugly Business: Modeling Industry Still Loves It Some Leggy White Blondes

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Black models are not just struggling in the United States -- they're not getting any work in the UK, either. A summit to discuss the culture of "blatant" racism in the modeling industry will take...

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Great Escapes?: *UPDATE: This could potentially be a fake ...

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*UPDATE: This could potentially be a fake Britney. And by potentially we mean "probs definitely." I love that "ersatz pathetic blond retarded embarrassment" is a viable occupation in this country....

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Bad Eggs: Martha Stewart Is Shelling Out $28K A Month For A Biological Grandkid

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Raised in a world where feminism guides us to believe that we can accomplish anything we want if we just put our minds to it, it must be a big disappointment to get slapped in the face with something...

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Snap Judgment: Ryan Reynolds Mounts Motorcycle; Millions Swoon

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[Hollywood, October 9. Image via x17]

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Clips: David Letterman Tries, Fails To Pin Down Jennifer Lopez Pregnancy

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newVideoPlayer("David_Letterman_JLo.flv", 475, 376);

Although Us Weekly is confirming that Jennifer Lopez is indeed with child, the singer/actress sure wasn't saying -- or showing -- during her...

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