Why it would SUCK to be a penguin!
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Introduction
Just because.....
Short legs
Damn it..... everywhere you go you have to waddle around like you have to shit REALLY bad. The plus size is everyone else walks funny too.
Can't fly
They are grounded. They are forced to sit and watch the Arctic Tern and others fly around in glee. They are as cursed as the dodo.
The Tuxedo
The are always dressed to the nines! Imagine wanting to spend a quiet day in your pajamas....you can't! Your stuck in that damn Tux. Everywhere you go, other birds think that you are headed to a wedding or awards ceremony.
Cold baths
Sure, they seem to like it. But would YOU like to take a freezing cold bath EVERY day of your life. There is a difference between liking cold water and getting used to cold water.
The Eskimos
Every minute of your life you gotta worry about being shot! Not because they will eat you, they need bait for the polar bears!
It was never that bad way back in the day, now the Eskimos have guns.... and waddling towards the water like you have to shit just doesn't get you safe fast enough!
The Edmonton Eskimos on the other hand are the Penguins favorite football team!
It was never that bad way back in the day, now the Eskimos have guns.... and waddling towards the water like you have to shit just doesn't get you safe fast enough!
The Edmonton Eskimos on the other hand are the Penguins favorite football team!
Polar Bears
You are out for a walk...and then out of nowhere you are lunch for some big ass carnivorous bear!! What a day!!
The "other" Penguins get more attention
That damn hockey team, always stealing your thunder in the press.
That DAMN "March of the Penguins" movie
Sure, all of the penguins were excited to be acting in a feature film, but they are pissed off because the Hollywood jerks stiffed them on the pay scale, had horrible catering and locked them out of residuals from the sale of the DVD.
Yes, Penguins are a bit dumb and hardly ever read the whole contract. Hollywood knew that, and took advantage.
Yes, Penguins are a bit dumb and hardly ever read the whole contract. Hollywood knew that, and took advantage.
Land dissapearing
This is only a concern to those penguins that got caught up in the whole "WhiteBerg" scandal. Some shady characters sold prime frontal ice plots to wealthy and retiring penguins, only to find that the ice was thin and has subsequently melted away with the warming of the earth.
Orca's
The other prime enemy of the penguin is the Killer whale. After that last time, they will NEVER be allowed to come over for supper again!
Plus all you ever get to eat is raw fish; in your tuxedo no less. However, all of the young women in the world from 5 to 50 think you are cute.
APPLAUSE! APPLAUSE! And the crowd goes wild! Best laugh I had today!! Thanks, Raant. :-D
AND because you, Raant, the papa penguin would have had to sit on your son for several months until he hatched through deadly blizzards and fat busting famine while your wife was eating out! TPLUS, there would be no beers - only bears.
Very funny list! :-)
Very funny list! :-)
Raant, are you visiting the south pole? We miss you.
i never noticed how much being a penguin really would totally suck
National Geographic has a page this month about a pre-historic 5-foot tall penguin that lived in the desert.......or was that Canada? :-)
Our Penguins aren't that big, or we would have elected them into office. They couldn't do any worse than the twit's we have in there now.
Ha! That was a funny mental picture. :-)
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