What Product Should Cats Use After They Take A Shower?

Introduction

Would Cats like it if they had to pet a spit-cleansed human?
I don't think so!
So, why should us humans have to put up with petting a Cat who bathes him or herself in their own spit!
I wish Cats could understand just how gross that is!
Us humans shouldn't have to put up with this kind of uncouth and disgusting behavior!

Hey Cats!
Listen up! There are several things that ya'll need to do!
And don't even think about copping an attitude or being "catty" about the constructive criticism that I am about to give you.

Cats, ya'll need to:

1. Stop being so damn selfish! (Humans don't want to walk around with Cat spit on their hands after petting you!)

2. Be more sanitary! (Cats, think of all the nasty germs that are in your spit!)

3. Take ya'lls lazy asses to the store and buy yourselves some Irish Spring, Dial, Safeguard, Lever 2000, or Ivory Soap and a good washcloth. Once ya'll are at home, ya'll need to march yourselves right into that bathroom and jump into the tub or shower and clean yourselves like everybody else!

Hey Cats!
I know that this may be hard for you to believe, but your spit and your tongue are no substitute for soap n' water and a washcloth!
So, get a clue, FURBALLS!

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT, BUT CLEAN IT UP WITH SOAP N' WATER!

MEOW!

So, what product do you think cats should use after they take a shower?